if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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