I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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