Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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