Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
