At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
