I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
