Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
