Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
