just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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