Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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