Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
