Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
