You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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