I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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