We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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