FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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