I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
