She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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