i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Liz is crying about burritos again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
