Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
