omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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