maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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