I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
