very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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