I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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