Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
