it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
