Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
