Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
