I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
