Your mouth is God's brothel.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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