sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
