so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
