Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
