Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
