She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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