I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
