yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
third nipple confirmed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
