Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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