It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
