we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
