There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
