I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
