She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
