Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I look better un-naked...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
