Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
