do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize