Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
