I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
