Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
