you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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