I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
