i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize