Pants 0. Shit 1.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
