your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
