Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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