Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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