I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
