its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Say something about gay babies.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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