obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
