I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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