So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
