don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
