I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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