New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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